You know going into this I expected a lot of hurt and pain and tears and I got it all. My heart broke a lot. More than I though it was possible even. And yeah I cried, maybe even concidered doing some really stupid stuff to avoid the pain, but in the end I saw some ray of hope that kept me sensible... ish. And it was those little bursts of "What if's" that kept me thinking that maybe I still had a chance. Within the past couple of months there were a lot of "What if's" that really got my pules going, and made me really excited. But all that hope was just evaporated in a few short seconds. At first I felt very odd sitting there waiting for that all too familar feeling of loss to set in and the tears to come, but they never did. They still aren't even as is sit here writing this. And it finally dawned on me that there is a possibility that perhaps my heart is to scarred and numb to care anymore. Yes that must be it. You can't hurt me anymore because I don't care anymore. I'm letting go and believe it or not I'm thanking you for making me realize that there's more to life than you.